"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." - Phyllis Diller

"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband." - Joan Rivers

"Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas." - Kin Hubbard

"The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the the thspirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath. (Clark W. Griswold)" - Christmas Vacation

"Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?" - Bill Watterson