Funny Quotes for Side Splits and Stitches
What funny quotes will strike a cord within you? It's hard to tell until you encounter the one that you will dub a "very funny quote," but it helps to first know what kind of laughter you are.
Imagine that you're at a comedy show...Are you stone faced, barely cracking a smile at the ridiculous frivolity of the performer, only moving to occasionally cast a disbelieving glance at your trembling-with-laughter neighbor - hoping that he won't require resuscitating after the show?
Are you a moderately amused spectator? Carefully reserving your laughter for only the parts that justify the price of the ticket? Laughing politely at only the jokes that are clean enough to be repeated at the PTA meeting?
Or, are you the spectator who is unabashedly rolling with seizure-like movements, your features contorted into pretzeled atrocities; gasping for breath, lurching with abdominal contractions, and repeatedly cuffing the poor spectators on each side of you? Are you breathless, coughing, and wiping tears while you tremor like the
If the latter describes your style of hilarity, then read on. Find here the famous and funny quotes that will deliver your laughter fix. Partake freely in the very funny quotes that will feed your laughter addiction, and join the rest of the chortling population in generating a laugh that will ricochet around the world.
Disclaimer:
We at All Famous Quotes declare that we are not responsible for injuries due to falling-down laughter, nor do we advocate flailing or other exaggerated movements while laughing. These activities could cause serious injury to those in the direct vicinity of the reader.
We do explicitly acknowledge the most common injury resulting from laughter - the split side. In instances of severe, side-splitting laughter, don't rush to the hospital. Instead, engage in another reading of famous funny quotes. It will put you in stitches...no co-pay required.
Your Top Ten Funny Quotes:
"There is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit not a vegetable. Wisdom is knowing not to include it in a fruit salad." - Anonymous
"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." - Robin Williams
"Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge." - Jerry Seinfeld
Also see: Funny TV Quotes
"You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough." - Pearl Williams
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night" - Dave Barry
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." - George Carlin
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." - Mark Twain
Also see: Dad Quotes, Funny Fathers Day Quotes
"I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill." - Erma Bombeck
"An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body." - Jim Hayes
Also see: Friendship Quotes, Funny Friendship Quotes
"I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation." - George Bernard Shaw